It seems this idea of having balance in life goes in and out of trend as often as we have new “American Idols”. Fast Company has been talking about balance in various forms for almost ten years. Here’s a simple chronology1:
1997 - it was about keeping everything going, the article was
“Life is a Juggling Act”
1998 - simplify is the new trend, the article was “Keep it Simple”
1999 - forget simplify and use work/life balance as a recruitment
tool, the article titled “The Way to Enough”
2000 - balance was called into question with “A Living or a Life?”
and “You can do anything – but not everything”
2001 – continuing with the trend from 2000 was the article “Slack Off” which emphasized downtime
2002 & 2003 – balance went out of fashion
2004 - balance or rather a good questioning of what balance really is has come back with the article, “Balance is Bunk”.
Apart from magazine articles, balance has been a popular topic of discussion: in books, for organizations trying to understand employee satisfaction, at conferences, and in the news. I feel compelled to add in my thoughts on the subject. I’ve come to think the word “balance” is overused and not well-defined. I don’t know that we’re all talking about the same thing. Your definition of a balanced life may be someone else’s definition of chaos.
Here is a part of the Merriam-Webster Online definition for “balance”:
1. Stability produced by even distribution of weight on each side of the vertical axis
2. Equality between the totals of the two sides of an account
3. Equipoise between contrasting, opposing, or interacting elements
4. An aesthetically pleasing integration of elements
5. Mental and emotional steadiness
I want to focus on a few parts of this definition. First let’s look at the phrases: “contrasting, opposing, or interacting elements” and “integration of elements.” These suggest that there are multiple things to balance that may not always be in perfect harmony. The pieces that need to be balanced may be complete opposites and yet you have to find a way to integrate them into your life to be balanced. When you have found the mixture that allows for all of the elements in your life to be integrated you will have “steadiness, stability, and equipoise.” When the pieces of your life, or interacting elements, are not integrated well you will not have stability. For example, Tom was exercising 3-4 times a week for the past 6 months. It all came to an end when he took the lead on pitching a new piece of business. He left no time to exercise. Tom didn’t notice the first week, but after the second week his body ached a little. After three weeks of not exercising he felt tired and sluggish. Tom was less productive at this time when high productivity was crucial. When Tom used to exercise regularly he had more energy and felt better. Tom no longer felt like his life was in balance.
I want to clarify the phrase: “by even distribution of weight on each side.” This assumes we are talking about something that is two-dimensional. If I took this literally, the article might have been titled: “Got Work/Life Balance?” acknowledging the two-dimensional aspect, but as human beings with multi-faceted lives we must look at balance in a multi-faceted way. Balance changes for each of us from day-to-day; week-to-week; and so on. Your definition of balance must move with your movements lest you become unstable.
When I help my clients assess if their life is in balance, I ask them to look at every aspect of their life. Here is a quick way to do a self-assessment. The ten areas below generally represent all aspects of life. If I am the hub of a wheel, these are my spokes. If you are a visual learner, you may want to draw this as a wheel. Put “me” in the center and from the center draw ten spokes to make your wheel. Next to each spoke indicate your satisfaction level with where you are presently on a scale of 1 (not satisfied) to 10 (completely satisfied).
_____ Health/Body
_____ Fitness
_____ Profession/Career/Business
_____ Money/Financials
_____ Friends/Family
_____ Significant Other/Romance
_____ Physical Environment
_____ Fun/Recreation
_____ Personal Growth
_____ Spirituality
This is an opportunity for you to recognize where you may be out of balance and make adjustments. We may all have different numbers on each spoke depending on what balance means to us. It may also be that you have a short period of time where you do not feel as balanced. By actively assessing where you are, you can put those short periods of imbalance into perspective. It’s when we don’t pay attention to what balance means to us that we find ourselves constantly out of balance with no end in sight.
What does balance means to you? Is it a 10 on every spoke of the wheel? Do you feel your life is balanced today? If not, what needs to shift in order for you to find balance? If so, what do you need to pay attention to in order to maintain balance?
In my coaching work, I find that many of my clients struggle to maintain a balanced life. Typically it is a result of needing to strengthen one or more of the following 5 areas of their life: boundaries, priorities, organization and time management, tolerations, and self-awareness. So you are probably wondering what these clients do to strengthen these areas and bring balance back into their life. First, you have to understand that there is no instantaneous fix that will put your life in balance. Since being in balance is constantly evolving for all of us, what you do to maintain balance must evolve as well. That said, here are definitions of and tips to strengthen the 5 areas of your life in order to help you create and maintain balance:
5 Problem areas, Causes of imbalance, and Ways to Strengthen
1. Boundaries
Cause of Imbalance: Not being able to say “no”
Over committing & feeling overwhelmed
Allowing something to go on or exist that you are unhappy about
Ways to Strengthen:
Identify what is important to you and stay committed to it; when something or someone comes up that is going to move you away from what you are committed to say no or negotiate to a place you are satisfied with
2. Priorities
Cause of Imbalance: A three or four page list of things to do that just keeps growing and growing
Don’t feel like you are in control of the list at all
Ways to Strenthen:
Move from a list of to do’s to a list of priorities. Rank and rate your to do list begin to schedule to do’s according to their priority and the time you have available. Rate and rank often as your priorities will be forever shifting.
3. Organization/ Time Management
Cause of Imbalance: Always late
Can’t find the simplest of items
Stacks of papers all around the desk
Ways to Strenthen:
If you can’t do it yourself get help from someone who can help you organize.
Schedule time to stay organized.
Keep all of your appointments (work & home) on one calendar.
Identify in advance how much time you need to prepare, travel, etc to make an appointment on time, work backwards from the appointment time, identify what you need to stop what you are doing and move to the next thing in order to be on time.
4. Tolerations
Cause of Imbalance: Items in your life you are putting up with (tolerating) that weigh heavily on your conscious. For instance: a copier at work that jams every time they use it; a report that they can never get to run the right way; or a broken knob on a drawer at home. This could be the cause of distress and imbalance and you don’t even realize it consciously.
Ways to Strenthen: Create a list of the items you are putting up with and wasting energy on for Home and for Work. Identify ways to resolve these items. You may find some to be small, simple, or easy and others that if touched will have an avalanche effect. Be aware of what you are getting into as you do it.
5. Self- awareness
Cause of Imbalance: Until doing the wheel of life assessment you may not have really thought about how to define balance and therefore didn’t have a starting point to understand what about the current situation was or wasn’t attributing to being out of balance.
Ways to Strenthen: Do the assessment on a regular basis. Continue to heighten your level of self-awareness. Do so with the positive notion that it is to ultimately improve your balance.
I once had a client say, “This seems like a lot of work. If this is what it takes to be balanced I’d rather stay frustrated and unbalanced.” Not surprising. It does take some work to create and maintain balance in your life. I would encourage you, as I did my client, to take one small step at a time. Don’t bite off more than you can chew. It only leads to disappointment and a higher likelihood that you’ll stop altogether. Put a realistic plan in place to strengthen one thing that will move you toward balance and when you feel you have accomplished it take on another item. Finding balance is not a one time shot with a miracle cure. It is a lifetime evolutionary process that must be openly embraced and maintained in order to constantly keep up with what balance means for you.
